The Housework Will Keep; Your Children Won't

Today's guest blogger is Krista Kleinwort, a highly respected behavioral consultant dedicated to supporting parents and professionals who have children experiencing behavioral challenges. Enjoy!

Parenting children is definitely a full-time job. Frenzied mornings, forgotten mittens, frozen tears: remnants of the frantic rush to drop off at daycare and get to work on time. Who is the parent and who is the child? Hard to tell sometimes. Working all day, picking up at daycare at night, hurried suppers and then out the door to just barely make yoga class or skating lessons. Is this the life we envisioned?

Well, naturally, it’s not exactly like life on TV is it? Picture-perfect Sunday mornings spent vacuuming, cleaning and doing laundry instead of taking advantage of the beautiful new fallen snow, all hastily fit into the few hours of nap time. Time for me and a cup of tea? Hardly! But time for you and me and cup of tea? That works.

“The housework will keep, your children won't” is a saying that has become my mantra. My little guy won't feel secure if we don’t connect with him every day. He won't keep learning if we don't read and play with him. He won't keep healthy if we don't cook for him. He won't keep friendships if we don't support him with peers. But how is a busy working mother going to accomplish this and keep a house clean enough to at least keep the dust dinosaurs at bay? (In our house the dust bunnies have been eaten by huge, dog-hair covered dust dinosaurs.)

First and foremost, organize yourself. When you do what you should do in a timely manner, your kids will fall in line because you’re ready. Plan your week ahead of time and post your schedule in a common area. We have a large black board on which I write my work schedule, including when I leave the house and return home. Think about what clothes you’ll need and when, and have them clean. Think about your kids' schedules and get their lunches, swim clothes, etc., organized the night before. Use an online family scheduling system like Cozi. (www.cozi.com).

Second, organize your house. Hire a cleaner on a weekly or monthly basis to do the cleaning you hate to do and that therefore never seems to get done. Buy some large plastic bins and organize kid clothes and sportswear, using a marker to clearly label contents. Try to avoid giving and receiving those useless gifts that collect dust; encourage family and friends to give "usefully" and ask what is wanted or needed before they buy! Purge, purge, purge! Use the 12 Month Rule: if you’ve neither worn it nor used it in 12 months, get rid of it! (Precious family mementos excluded.)

Third, give up on organizing your spouse! They have to figure out their own way, so if you can get yourself, your kids and the house organized, then three out of four ain’t bad!

As a working mother I'll take the excuse the saying offers, thank you very much, and rationalize my messy house til the sun goes down. As a professional I’ll tell myself to “practice what I preach” and make organizing myself my priority for the upcoming month, focusing on my internal and external housekeeping skills. And I'll make sure I get to my yoga classes to keep my body and mind fit while I tackle the basement, garage and the bigger picture called life.

Parenting Rule # 1: The best return on your investment is time with your children, not with the housework! Just work smart.

Parenting Challenge # 1: Focus on "soulkeeping" more than housekeeping, and spend more time with your kids every day than you do cleaning/tidying/organizing!

Recommended Book for the Month: The Secure Child: Helping Children Feel Safe and Confident in a Changing World by Stanley Greenspan